For someone I can’t talk to anymore

by Archita Mittra


i.
i’ve never met you
only read about you in the ancient newspaper pages-
we first penned our verses in,
and dreamed you up-
everlasting woman.
then i saw you in a photograph
reading a book by someone
we might have been
in a parallel life-saw you and fell
in love with some crazy illusory idea
and our conversations were these awkward pauses
in some road trip, mirroring myself
in some dark twisted way
in some strange alleyway..
i wanted to save you i wanted to love you i wanted to
create something new, some crazy idea i can’t pen down exactly i wanted…
i don’t know what it’s like in the other side of the world.
i can only misimagine your voice your face your quick fingers
fumbling in exasperation at my questions,
did you see me through my questions,
did you ever see me at all
or was i only a girl with questions?
i never doubted your answers till that night you confessed
you were a sado-masochist
and i could only misimagine
the death trips
the cigarettes
and a terrible, terrible
red-stained fear.
no..it was only that the word was too terrible
for my, my world.
ii.
when i talk to you
i feel like i’m waiting 
for something.
you are so far away
and i am so far away
from everything, everyone, myself…
am i waiting for you to come back?
i don’t think so
but you’re older today and so far away
on the other side of the world
and i want you to know
that i care i care i care
i’ll always care
the battle you’re inDON’T END
ever.
wait. for something. 
and i’m always waiting
to die or live
don’t care for what

don’t care for which.

 

Author Biography: Archita Mittra is a freelance writer, artist and designer based in Calcutta, India with a love for all things imaginary vintage and the fantastical. A first year student of English at Jadavpur University, she’s also pursuing a diploma in Multimedia and Animation from St.Xavier’s College.You can read more of her work at https://ivyonthetrellis.wordpress.com and contact her at archita.666@gmail.com